“They say that these are not the best of times, but they’re the only times I’ve ever known”. Billy Joel’s lyrics from Summer, Highland Falls may be nearly half a century old but they capture an approach to existence that my father might have summarised as ‘just getting on with it’. My parent’s generation didn’t make a fuss about things, didn’t draw attention to their discomforts or hardships, wouldn’t dream of sharing intimate secrets in public (even if there was a way to do it) and considered everyday decisions such as visiting a doctor as an exigency of last resort. It’s just the way life was in their time.
I’m not sure that people of that generation were happier or mentally healthier but I think it’s quite possible that they thought about their own happiness a lot less. Perhaps living through a world war led them to be more grateful for the things that they did have rather than inclining to be dissatisfied about the things they didn’t have.
Understanding one’s own feelings on any given day is rather as I imagine questioning a slippery con artist in a tight spot would be. Frankly, under the self-interrogating spotlight of ‘how am I today?’, I’m inclined to give any variety of answers to myself, depending upon factors as various as the time of day, what I had or didn’t have for lunch, how I slept, how I woke up, when I last exercised, the last person I spoke to, or just the last thing that popped into my head. Personally, in other words, I am in a state of perpetual volatility in a subterranean you-wouldn’t-guess-it-to-look-at-him sort of way. I think this is the same for everyone. We don’t have a constant mental or emotional state, we only have individual ranges of emotion, different levels of self awareness and differing appetites for introspection.
What we all do have is an individual tendency towards compliance. Along a continuum from blind obedience to resolute defiance, we each have a self story about how willingly we align ourselves to the instructions of people we perceive as having authority over us. Where our behaviours fall on the line between compliance and non-compliance determines in great part whether people ‘in authority’ are able to take advantage of us or not.
Put more bluntly, we are bulliable in inverse proportion to our personal compliance quotient. The more you comply with the arbitrary exercise of authority, the more likely that authority will take advantage of you and the more exposed you are to workplace bullying.
I find this a very interesting characteristic in people. It’s not about their personality, their manner, or their general disposition; we are not talking about the meek who find themselves trampled on. Some of the meekest people I have ever known exhibited high non-compliance quotients. Curiously, some of the strongest, most outspoken and generally bellicose people I have known have also been amongst the most compliant in the face of authority. Grumble like crazy, but do it anyway.
There is, of course, a cultural dimension to this. Compliance is far more of an expected norm in some cultures than others. But resistance can take many forms, both passive and active, and I think it is safe to say that what I am calling compliance quotient has resonance in any cultural setting, albeit with variations. In a multicultural environment, the advice that I am about to offer is of even greater relevance.
So what’s your CQ? Are you more likely to do what a senior figure asks of you because you are worried about what they might do to you if you refuse? Or are you more likely to question and challenge if you don’t see the need for the given instruction?
To my surprise, in the past few months, I have found myself coaching no fewer than three people who are all being bullied in their workplaces. None of these people are shrinking violets, actually quite the reverse, they are self possessed, confident and successful people who work hard for their organisations. These particular people abhor bullying and would encourage others to stand up for themselves in the face of the aggressive or unfair abuse of authority…and yet they all find themselves pinned in the path of senseless authoritarianism.
It fascinates me what people will put up with, but bullies thrive on fear and compliance and the more they get away with, the more they are likely to expand their abusive behaviours. In a Forbes article in 20191, author and mental health counsellor Stephanie Sarkis shared the research that there are a disproportionate number of people who display psychotic or sociopathic behaviours in senior leadership positions. The theme was picked up in another Forbes article by Jack McCullough in the same year2 :”Roughly 4% to as high as 12% of CEOs exhibit psychopathic traits, according to some expert estimates, many times more than the 1% rate found in the general population and more in line with the 15% rate found in prisons.”
Bullying and manipulation isn’t just within the purview of the rogue (or maybe not so rogue) CEO, it happens at all levels of the workplace, from Boardroom to basement. So what can you do when faced with unreasonable and bullying behaviour at work?
- Don’t lose yourself in a narrative of ‘what ifs’ – deal with what’s in front of you, don’t project.
- Don’t attribute super powers to a bullying boss – ‘what if they sack me?’ is a commonly voiced fear but even bullies have to obey the law and your Human Resource team should be able to give very clear guidance on that (I know, sometimes the issue is with that very team, read on).
- Don’t get isolated – talk to the people around you and seek advice early.
- Paper trail everything – save unpleasant emails or text messages; if the bullying behaviours are spoken or physically intimidating, create your own paper trail by writing to the person in question, asking them not to repeat the behaviour and saying why it made you feel uncomfortable.
- Write down dates, times and details of what is happening – this will be invaluable if you ever find yourself in a formal tribunal type situation, when your mind is likely to go blank.
- If you have a union or staff association you can refer to, talk to them.
- If you are experiencing stress as a result of what’s going on (highly likely), seek medical advice and have that ‘on the record’ as well.
- Ask for a conversation with a third party present – be calm, be factual and be clear what behaviours you would like to stop happening.
- If you are anxious about an upcoming conversation, ask if it can be recorded (I don’t recommend secret recording of conversations although it depends upon which country you live in as to whether this is legal and/or admissible).
- Stand up for yourself in the way that you would stand up for others. If this is happening to you, it is almost certainly happening to other people too. Don’t accept bullying; expect better treatment for yourself.
I have been a ‘boss’ for many years and I have also worked for people, senior people, who bully systematically and intentionally. My personal compliance quotient is quite low – I have never been inclined to do things without a reason or things that seem arbitrary or unfair. I don’t know where I got that from but it has served me well. When I see good people, who work with commitment and integrity, being abused by the uncaring or lazy exercise of authority, it upsets me.
Lowering the level and boosting the power of your own compliance quotient is largely about recognising and fighting for your own self worth. Expect to be treated properly. Treat others as you would wish to be treated.
“I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life…” Billy Joel has all the answers, who’d have thought it?
1https://www.forbes.com/sites/stephaniesarkis/2019/10/27/senior-executives-are-more-likely-to-be-psychopaths/?sh=217acb4547c4
2 https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackmccullough/2019/12/09/the-psychopathic-ceo/?sh=31a1b5f8791e
